just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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