Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
