I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
