You smell like stripper and shame
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
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I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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