So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
