Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
