So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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