She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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