Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
