Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
