i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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