loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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