My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
