I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
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She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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