He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
