I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
