There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
