"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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