Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
