and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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