I can't breathe out the right side of my face
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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