so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
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after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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