Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
