Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
