There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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