I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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