Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
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mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
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I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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