the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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