Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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