I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
we should paint friendship bongs
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
