We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
