He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
What a dumb baby whore.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
