apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
