4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
