all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
