we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
