I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
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Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
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He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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