Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
