The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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