if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
