you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
