There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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