her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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