the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
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Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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