Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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