"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
