Sry I called you an 8
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
