Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
