If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
