Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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