she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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