I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
my liver is dry heaving
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
