I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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