Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
