i dont even know how to be here
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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