I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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