me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
