Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
