we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
