I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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