My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
