Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
